It’s fear and uncertainty that influence me on every level these days. My existence seems almost mechanical at times, as I try to bury what I can’t bring myself to face. So I’ve worked too hard, and I’ve stayed awake too long, and I’ve indulged too often, and I’ve tried to forget. But in the process, I’ve forgotten what the whole point is, or perhaps I never knew it. I think I did though, because I remember a time when I could feel. I just want that back.

 

I’m tired.

       I’m tired of doing this.

              I’m tired of doing this alone.

 

I’m 49 days sober today.